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Question date: 10/01/2009 | K.F.'s question: What do you do when the weight of the past feels like it creeps up in your life a lot, feeling hard and like a burden that you can't shake? | |
The weight of the past is an interesting term or description, for it implies an actual physical dimension to the past. In some ways this is true, for what the past brings to most of us is memories, stories, and beliefs about ways that we were disempowered, neglected, abused or hurt. These are structured in our bodies as physical blockages to energy flow. Most noticeably they are chronic contractions of the voluntary muscular system. The patterns of this holding, although technically part of the voluntary muscular system, have become involuntary as their chronic nature has made them below the realm of conscious awareness; they have become subconscious. The purpose of these contractions and blockages of energy flow was to stop the conscious awareness of feelings that were either too scary or were not allowed so we were forced to make them 'go away'. Along with these contractions we developed thinking patterns or beliefs about ourselves and our place in the world that stop us from venturing into the realms of these subconscious feelings. For instance, we may hold a belief that we are not very smart. This could be because our attempts to understand complicated concepts were met with displeasure or impatience and so, on a physical level, we stopped asking questions. To justify that, we decided that we weren't smart. So, what you describe as the weight of the past may simply be your experience of blocked energy flows and beliefs that limit your expression of your true self. Do not underestimate the degree to which so many of us had to place severe limits on ourselves to be acceptable and how habitual this has become. Many people never even begin the journey of undoing these habits, and when one begins to perceive the depth of what one has sacrificed or compromised, it does appear to be a daunting task. But of course there is no option really, once one is conscious of how much more is available or waiting for them, one has to tackle these habitual limits to one's expression. For your own understanding, consider the term you used - the weight - and imagine what that means to you to be carrying a weight or have a weight on you. You might sit down and just write about weight, pressure or burdens and see what comes up for you. It is no accident that we use physical metaphors for these sorts of things; they often provide insightful gateways for growth. When one is actually feeling the weight it can be useful to find the words to express what that feels like, i.e. "I am being crushed", "I have such a heavy burden", "I can't bear this anymore". Seek to identify where in your body you feel it, because it will be located in your body somewhere and there will be words to go with it. Is it a resentful feeling? a despairing feeling? a suffocating feeling? The more you can clarify these aspects, the more you will be able to let go and the more insight you will get about your own way of having adapted to the demands of the world around you. Remember that within you is a bright light of creativity, inspiration, and love. In some way or another you were convinced to limit that expression, even to the point of forgetting that it is the truth about you. As you begin to understand the metaphor of the weight in terms of the expression of this truth about you, you will be transformed. |
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